In Memory of Felix
Oh Felix, we miss you every single day.
You showed up as a tomcat in our backyard and was number six in a clouder of what was previously five. The vet said not quite a year old. Your legs were so long and you were in that awkward teen stage with fur like silk that was unbelievably shiny.
Years later, you ruled the hood and grew into the most gorgeous tuxedo - who hissed everyone - yet, permitted Evan to manhandle you and carry you like a doll. Wanting in and out all day and all night long, we happily obliged to all your requests. You stood by Gris Gris as he became sick with kidney disease. And literally stood next to him at the door as he cried to be let out. Gris, a lifelong indoor cat who wouldn’t have been safe outdoors alone - got his final wish and we all laid in the grass together. You sat right next to him, protecting him. That was the first time you two were in that close proximity in all the 13 years being brothers.
After Gris Gris passed on - you, Slick and Mimi became inseparable and were so fun to watch. Then Mimi passed. Then Slicker the licker. The night Slick left us, you came in the room, cleaned him and kissed him for the longest time. Then we all laid together and cried together.
In 2021, you met Dr. Wallace and BAH at around 17 years of age. The lump on your neck was found to be metastatic cancer. I wish they got to meet you sooner but I think they loved you like they knew you forever.
Dr. Wallace took beautiful care to ensure you were pain free as the cancer began to devastate your formerly abundant physique. You weighed four pounds on June 7, 2021 and could not even stand the day that became your last day. We drove in the car, you were in my lap. We arrived at BAH and went into a comfortable room. I kissed you everywhere and thanked you for all the joy you brought our family and the fun we had together.
Once Dr. Wallace came back in, it’s like I became paralyzed (which I only realized later) as I didn’t utter one word while the serum entered your body. If I was in my right mind, I would have said on repeat - I love you Felix, Daddy and Evan love you Felix - Merlin, Gris Gris, Slicker and Mimi are waiting for you , etc.. Instead, I was silent. I’m sorry.
After you passed on, Evan and daddy got to say their goodbyes from FaceTime. I wept, held you and once there was no longer any warmth emitting, I covered you and left the room. I thanked everyone, pulled out of the parking lot and very quickly began to bawl. I then had to park because I couldn’t see the other cars or the road.
It was the third or fourth visit to see Dr. Wallace, that it’s possible I should have decided to be more humane and as such, you wouldn’t have suffered as you did. But I didn’t. Your pain was thankfully numbed, though still there. You suffered, we got more time to spoil you and love you. But you suffered. I’m sorry. Hopefully, the next time I’m in a similar situation, I’ll be more strong and brave and less selfish. I’m sorry Felix.
We love you Felix. We will always love you and cherish the years we had as a family. You blessed us with your kitty ways and will always be thankful you chose us.
Forever - Leanne, Ryan and Evan
One last thing…
There was an angel in parking lot, when we first arrived, who witnessed the love we have for one another and she was so moved, she granted us with a gift that was the most thoughtful thing any stranger could bestowed on another stranger. I’m still shaking my head in disbelief.. but it happened and it was the first smile and only smile of that spring day.
Thank you Dr. Wallace and to everyone at Ballard Animal Hospital. Thank you very much.